Swim Away.

When I was in Secondary School,  we had swimming lessons. So one day while the lesson was on going , a friend of mine swam under me and held me feet up, I almost drowned.  I have swimming phobia.

So I fear water like a mice fears the cat.

Well last night, the swimming pool was so inviting. I walked around it, sat by it, looked at it and fantasies about it. I wished  I was  Micheal  Phelps or Ryan L.

I finally summoned courage and sat close to the iron rails and  gently dropped my feet into the swallow end. I held on to that rail like my life depended on it. And it did.

I looked funny trying not to be swept away by a 3 feet water.  I am not taking chances.

By the way, daddy and I saw Daniel in the morning. He was upset we woke him up from his sweet sleep.  He opened his eyes and went back to sleep.

What a day!

September lonely.

I love the month of September a whole lot. Not because it is my birthday month but  because it reveals  who was naughty during the Christmas holidays. Lol.

I was supposed to have Dana Karen on September 12, 2008 but she came  in August. And my sweet little Daniel was to be born on September 20. He was like, I am okay with June.   I am not mad at them but just September lonely.

I hope my beautiful month of September bring us all good luck, joy, happiness, good health,  laughter,  peace, love and every good thing we wish ourselves.

Enjoy my month.

Waiting

Daniel's due date is supposed to be September 20.  He was supposed to be a Virgo like mommy, but he is not.  No big deal but we could have celebrated our birthday's together.

Mine is on the 19th.
Still no big deal, he is a June baby case closed.

Whenever the Doctors call to give report, I keeping asking when Daniel will be ready to come home. They always explain that his oxygen requirements needs to be lowered, he needs to learn how to bottle feed, he will be circumcised and then be ready to go home.

For now, we are waiting on Daniel they keep telling me.

I am Waiting and praying  for you son.
Do not take too long.
I beg.

5lbs 13ounces!

Daniel is 5lbs 13ounces! Almost 6lbs.  3 more ounces, my baby will be a 6 pounder. OMG!

He was being given a warm bath when I came in at 9pm, trust me I quickly joined in the fun.

He kinda of enjoined it as he tried to lick the bathing rag.  He was thoroughly scrubbed by mommy and lotioned up. Baby massage was applied also.

He was gently wrapped up and his feeding started.

We are greatful to God Almighty for every experience and activity.

Miss Imperfect.

I am not perfect and I will never claim perfection.  Living with Lupus has been hard for me because of the great discomfort I cause for people around me.  The pain and groans of my swollen hurting joints is not the best voice you wanna hear in the middle of the night.

The sharp pain that travels from my hips to my ankle is never what i prayed for. Diving for the pain medicine at every point has become my mission.  What a life I live, what a luck I have.

The early arrival of my son and all the un ceremonious attachment to it still runs shivers through my spine. The nose diving of my health has taught me not to take anything for granted.

In every horizon, there is a sliver lining  and it is gonna be okay because this is not the end. I am still not perfect and for those my life have affected  including my work, my partner, my children and myself.  My apologies.

I am just Stella  held in packages trying to unravel my life one wrap at a time.  Hopefully no more surprises.


We are gonna be alright!

Lupus it is!

I have been a little sad for about 24 hours now. Why? My Rheumatologist finally gave me my medical diagnosis on August 28.  LUPUS!  Not really shocked because they suspected it. But the specific lab result pin pointed it.

Lupus is a chronic inflammatory disease whereby your own immune system ATTACKS  your own healthy tissues such as kidney, heart, brain, lungs, joints, blood cells and skin. It is your body fighting your body instead of foreign elements.  It means your body has gone wacko-jacko! Lol.

Lupus is very hard to diagnose because it mimics other ailments

.  But the most distinctive sign of Lupus is a rash across your face called the Butterfly Rash.  Lupus has no cure but symptoms such fatigue, fever, joint pain, joint swelling, headache etc. can be controlled by medications.

My diagnosis show signs of kidney involvement resulting in swollen leg, high blood pressure and pregnancy complications. It also shows inflammation of my severe joint pain and  joint swelling.

I have to avoid sunlight,  infection, stress and more so live healthy.

I am also kinda of happy because I just unravelled all the mysteries surrounding me. 

I will be okay.

Book Smart.

Yes my baby got some books.  Whenever I read to him, he closes his eyes. I guess he is using his imagination. Lol.

Researchers  said reading to your baby makes them smart. Okay then, we are gonna be soooooooo smart.

 I love reading to babies and Daniel has a reader for a mommy.  I cherish every moment with my son.

It is well.

Room Ready

There is one thing I avoid doing. Assembling parts.

 I do not have the expertise nor the patience for it. I easily get frustrated putting all the little parts together. Nooooooooo!

So, daddy and his friends assembled the baby crib and changing table. Yippee.
I fed them rice, stew, goat meat and beer.  I did my part.

The baby's room is beginning to come together. Slowly but surely. Everything else is still in boxes.

At last we are making progress.
Thank God for all his love and sweet mercies.

I Brush

Sometimes I clean his mouth with a foam brush moistened with water.  He does not really like it but tolerates it. Well yesterday, he was sucking on that foam like he was thirsty.

After a while, I left the foam brush in his mouth and he held on to it. Finally he dropped it and gave me that look.

The look of      " are going to help me or not"?
I fear that look so I gently obeyed the  new boss man.


Love you Daniel.

* my son was dancing Skelewu*

I play

I went to the NICU late. Around 9.40pm.  Daniel was sound asleep and feeding via his tube.


I Just sat by his bedside and sang to him. He opened his eyes briefly and clamped them  shut all through.  At about 10.30pm, I heard him close and rocked him.

Then at about 11.50pm, I put him back to his crib. Daniel started to play and play and play.

Mommy is Greedy

One of the Neonatologist ( baby Doctor) called me to give daily reports.
 I was complaining about the fact that Daniel's oxygen needs was too high at 50%  with a bubble CPAP.

She laughed and reminded me of when he was incubated and intubated   and my prayers was for him to be extubated. Yes!

She reminded me of when his lungs could not carry him for more than 24 hours.  Yes!

She reminded me when his whole little lungs was infected with pneumonia and had antibiotics for days. Yes!

She reminded me of his blood transfusions and other transfusions. Yes!

She reminded me of when he was just 1 lb and 6 ounces . Yes!

Phew!

"Let him take his time mommy,  don't be too greedy" she whispered.

After she hung up, I thought about our journey and promised not to be too greedy.

Under Construction

 We got to the NICU around 9.30 pm and Mr Daniel was sound asleep and feeding.

"I must carry him" I replied his dad as  he tried to stop me.
 Dad hates me carrying Daniel because of all the wires, tubes and baby being fragile.


I won.

That is why I will be going alone from now on. Daddy can stay home.

It is me and Daniel time.

I read him his new books and he slept all through.

I love my boy, Daniel.
Thank you lord.

Labs. Labs. Labs.

The labs season is in. I have  to go  in  to a lab to get my blood drawn and tested every Monday. This process will continue into  October.

Th reason for these labs ?  Is to check how my medicine is helping my kidneys or not.

Well, I went in for the first one today. Needle stick is no pain to me no more.
When  The lab. Tech. asked me to sign my name, i wondered when she stuck me.
when did you stick me I asked?  When you turned your face she answered.

Ok then!

I have developed thick  skin  literally.

Hahaha!